How to Support Your Teen’s Social Development

Written by the Cultivateen Roots Team

3-minute read

Social connections play a vital role in adolescent development- they provide your teen with a sense of belonging, help them with identity formulation, allow them to build important social skills, and serve as a protective factor against risky behaviors. As a parent, it can be difficult to witness your teen struggle with friendships, however, understanding the causes behind their social challenges can help you support them in building lasting social skills and meaningful relationships.

Why Teens Struggle with Social Connections

Several factors can contribute to a teen's difficulty in forming peer bonds and maintaining friendships, including:

1. Social Anxiety: Research from the National Institute of Mental Health shows that social anxiety is common among teens. This can cause adolescents to withdraw from social situations or avoid new interactions altogether. Fear of judgment, rejection, or embarrassment can make it harder for them to connect with peers of the same age.
2. Lack of Social Skills: Some teens have a difficult time connecting with peers because they struggle with basic social skills, such as initiating and maintaining conversation, reading social cues, or empathizing with others. These barriers can make it difficult for teens to form meaningful bonds with other adolescents, leaving them feeling lonely and isolated.
3. Negative Past Experiences: When teens have experienced bullying in the past they may carry that emotional weight with them as they try to engage in new peer friendships; this can negatively impact their confidence and desire  to engage with peers. 
4. Shifts in Interests and Preferences: Teens are rapidly growing and exploring new interests and hobbies. A change in activities or interests may affect your teen’s peer relationships. For example, if your teen had previously participated on the swim team and had many friendships connected to this interest, a decision to quit the team may impact their social circle. 
5. Increased Use of Screen Time: Because of the rise and access to social media and smart phones, teens spend A LOT of time online and on their devices. While social media and gaming platforms can provide opportunities for virtual connections, it doesn’t offer the same in depth level of interaction that an in person friendship can provide. 
6. Pandemic Fallout: Although it’s been five years since the start of the covid 19 pandemic, lingering effects remain, especially when it comes to the social skills of adolescents. During a critical time of development, young people faced isolation, separation from peers, and a lack of social interaction.  

Simple Tips to Help Your Teen Make Friends

If your teen is experiencing difficulty with making friends or connecting with others, these are some simple ways you can support them in building meaningful and authentic peer relationships.

1. Encourage Opportunities for Social Interaction: Support your teen in exploring and joining extracurricular activities, volunteer groups, sports teams, or school clubs that align with their interests. These kinds of settings offer a more natural opportunity for making friends and practicing social skills. Giving your teens some ideas for how to connect with other teens can increase their chances of meeting new people and making friends. 
2. Space for Open Communication: In our foundational course, Making AdoleSense, we have a whole module on communicating with your teen. Here’s the key takeaway: creating an open, safe space for conversation helps your teen feel comfortable sharing their thoughts about social challenges. Ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions about their friendships, fears, and experiences as a teen. This shows empathy and compassion, helping your teen feel understood and more confident to build new connections.
3. Model Healthy Social Behaviors: Remember, your teen is always watching and learning from you! When you build and maintain positive friendships, you’re teaching them how it’s done. Talk openly about how you stay connected with friends and what starting a conversation  or being a good friend might look like. If you feel comfortable, share a time when you faced a social challenge (though remember to not make it all about you!). Let them see you put yourself in situations with new people or make an effort to expand your social circle. When they see you put yourself out there, it gives them the confidence to do the same!
4. Meaningful Friendships, Over Many Acquaintances: The purpose of this tip is to have your teen focus on quality friends. Real, meaningful, genuine connections in fewer numbers is more valuable than having a large group of “acquaintances”. Forming deeper connections and relationships with a couple of peers is more meaningful than having a lot of surface-level type friends. It’s important for teens to have a few close, trusted friends. 
5. Limit Screen Time and Encourage Face-to-Face Interactions: While digital communication is an important tool for staying connected, it should absolutely not replace in-person friendships. Spending time together IRL should be your teen’s main form of socialization. Encourage your teen to go on hikes, attend a sports game, or take a class at the local community college with their friends. It’s important to set limits around screen time and to also model healthy screen habits yourself!
6. Be Patient and Understanding: It can take a lot of time to build authentic friendships. This may take longer for teens who are shy and introverted. Your timeline may not be the same as your teen’s and your teen’s socialization needs may not be the same as yours. Be gentle and patient with your progress and avoid adding any additional pressure. Always celebrate small steps, like initiating a conversation or attending a social event; it is okay to take things one step at a time because who are we kidding, making and maintaining friendships is a lifelong journey, and this is only the beginning of your teen’s story. 

Resources for Parents

1. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)– Provides information on social anxiety and mental health support for teens. 

2. Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)– Offers resources and coping strategies for teens dealing with social anxiety and isolation.

3. Social Skills Training Programs – Many local therapy centers offer social skills groups for teens. Look for those in your area to help your teen develop interpersonal skills.

4. Child Mind Institute– Offers resources and support for parents of teens struggling with social challenges.

5. American Psychological Association (APA) – Provides resources on social development and psychological well-being for adolescents.