Is my Teen Behind? Addressing Concerns Around a Late Bloomer

 Written by the CultivaTeen Roots Team

10-minute read

At CultivaTeen Roots, we are always encouraging parents and caregivers to build up their community of fellow teen supporters- having like-minded parents, teachers, coaches, and supportive adults in your life and the lives of your kids, creates a stronger network and is a necessary support for parents to lean on during challenging times. Inevitably, having other caregivers of teens in your life might mean that you as a parent start to notice developmental differences between your teen and other teens. You might begin to wonder if your teen is “on track”. 

Maybe your older teen excelled in academics and you never had to worry about encouraging them to get their homework done- in fact, you might have had to encourage them to take a break and go have some fun. Your younger teen, well it could be a completely different story for them. You may feel like you are constantly nagging them to complete their assignments AND turn in their work. Or your friend’s teen has a booked and busy social life- their kid is so excited to go to Homecoming and can’t wait to show you their dress, while your teen seems to shy away from meeting any new friends and there is no way they are going to go to a huge school event. 

Some teenagers seem to be on the fast track toward academic success, maintaining friendships, or even physical growth, while other teens take a different, more gradual path. Understanding the signs and learning when and how to support a so-called “late bloomer” can make all the difference. Don’t worry- we are here to help. Here is what you need to know: 

What Does It Mean to Be a Late Bloomer?

A “late bloomer” generally refers to an adolescent who reaches certain developmental milestones later than their peers. This could show up in physical areas, academics, or social/emotional skills. Being a late bloomer is not necessarily a problem and might even have some benefits. Every teen is on their own journey and figures things out at different rates. Some teens might hit physical milestones later and have a huge growth spurt. Other teens might need a little extra time to build up comfortability with their peers, or they might experience some academic challenges related to switching schools or the impact of COVID. A key takeaway is that “late” does not mean “never”. More support might be beneficial in helping a teen on their developmental journey. Here is what to watch out for: 

Key Areas to Watch For

1. Physical Development
   Puberty is a gradual process that happens at different ages for teens. In general, girls usually begin puberty between 8-13, while boys start between 9-14. If you aren’t noticing any signs of puberty with your 15-year-old, then a consultation with a health care provider could be beneficial. Our course Making AdoleSense has a whole teen brain module that gives you all you need to know about hormones and puberty! 
2. Academic Progress
   There are many different ways to learn and academics are definitely not a one-size-fits-all. Delays might show up as difficulty learning new concepts, challenges with focus and attention, or receiving low grades across the board (low C’s, D’s and F’s). It is normal for teens to have academic areas of strength and growth, however if you notice a consistent trend or theme with academic challenges, there could be learning differences or attention challenges present. A good first step is to request a meeting with your teen’s school counselor to get a feel for what the school team is noticing and next steps to take. 
3. Social and Emotional Skills
   Friendships during the teen years can be so challenging. Some teens might shy away from developing strong friendships and struggle to manage big emotions. Remember that your teen might have different coping skills and social needs than you do. If you are an extrovert who thrives on being around your friends and you have an introverted teen who only has a couple of close relationships, consider if your teen is really a “late bloomer” in this area or if they just seek out peer support in a different way than you do. If you notice that your teen is very isolated (they rarely see their friends outside of school or in the evenings or they spend all their time alone in their room), they are very anxious about social interactions and report having panic attacks (heart racing, can’t control their breathing, become increasingly emotional), or they struggle with emotional regulation (they become shut down, withdrawn, frequent emotional outbursts), then it might be time to enlist some additional help. Start with your child’s school counselor or pediatrician to learn more about mental health resources that are available to your teen. 
4. Independence and Life Skills
   Teens gain independent living skills over the course of their adolescence and they learn from managing their own responsibilities, trial and error, keeping track of their homework, coordinating schedules, or taking charge of household chores. We have an entire section in Making AdoleSense devoted to helping parents of teens support their kids in developing important independent skills. 

Practical Strategies to Support Your Late Bloomer

Are you feeling worried about possible signs of delayed development for your teen? Here are some practical strategies to help them thrive without any pressure or judgment: 

1. Foster a Growth Mindset
   The Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, introduced the concept of a “growth mindset” in her 2006 book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. In simple terms, Dweck encouraged people to see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning instead of failures. You can encourage a growth mindset in your teen by praising their efforts rather than focusing on the outcomes- “You studied so hard for that test. A grade is just a grade, but your determination is going to help you in lots of ways in your life”. You can also help them set realistic and attainable goals- maybe your teen isn’t ready to go to the big dance but they are open to having one friend over for a cozy movie instead of just holing up in their room. By helping your teen see setbacks as stepping stones, you are supporting them in building confidence and resilience to take on future challenges. 
2. Encourage Positive Social Interactions
   Structured social activities can support a shy teenager in having a safe space to build social connections. Ask your teen what they are interested in and support them in engaging in activities around this- maybe by joining a club, volunteering, or getting a part-time job. We love to ask teens “If you could master one skill, what would it be?” This is a low-stakes question to gain some insight into what your teen is interested in. Do they love K-pop and want to learn Korean? Maybe taking a class at the local community college could be a good way to meet other teens who are interested in the same thing! 
3. Seek Academic Support When Necessary
   Identifying academic challenges early can help prevent self-esteem setbacks and connect your teen to support with any learning challenges they may have. If you suspect your teen might have a learning difference, request a meeting with their school counselor to learn more about how the school can support their learning needs. 
4. Nurture Emotional Resilience
   We are all about coping skills at CultivaTeen Roots. Model health coping skills for your teen and teach them effective ways for managing stress and big emotions- journaling, mindfulness, healthy movement, learning new skills, spending time outside and/or with a pet, watching a funny show together- we are never short on ideas for building emotional resilience. Promoting healthy outlets for emotions helps teens feel more in control of their emotions and capable of taking on challenges. 
5. Keep Open Lines of Communication
   Making AdolSense focuses on supporting parents and caregivers in having healthy and open communication patterns with their teens. We always encourage adults to approach the teens in their life with curiosity instead of judgment. Use supportive communication and active listening skills to help your teen know that you are a safe place to turn to when they are facing obstacles and that you will always be there to validate their feelings and support them in exploring solutions if needed. 
6. Celebrate Small Wins
   We always say that we love to celebrate everything! Growth is never just linear and milestones can come in small baby steps. Celebrate these small wins and use positive reinforcement to support your teen in building their confidence and recognizing their own achievements. 
7. Consider Professional Guidance if Needed
   If you have big worries about your teen's progress, there are many professionals out there that you can consult with. We recommend reaching out to your pediatrician or school counselor to discuss your concerns and connect you with appropriate support providers.

Letting Go of Comparisons

It can feel almost impossible to avoid comparisons in a world of social media. CultivaTeen Roots is a judgment-free zone, which recognizes that all teens have their own strengths and unique paths. Take a deep breath and remember you are supporting your teen in the best way you know how. Our teens are inundated with images and stories of people who seem to have it all figured out and are #livingtheirbestlives. One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to reassure your teen that it is okay that they grow at their own pace and that they will thrive the most when they are being true to themselves and their values. Each person’s timeline is their own and being a “late bloomer” does not define their potential or future. Having a teenager requires patience, understanding, and unconditional support. Keeping an eye on areas of development without judgment, celebrating little wins, and connecting your teen to resources will help your teen grow into a confident, skillful, and resilient young adult. You got this!